It's not a high number, and Reid has always been grateful for that. In the BAU's line of work, there's certainly an element of danger, especially it comes to working in the field; but at the start of his career, he'd spent a lot of time poring over records and studying files at headquarters after visiting crime scenes and interviewing anyone relevant to the case rather than out doing any actual footwork. As he'd grown to be trusted with handling his weapon, as he'd become a better agent all around, Reid had spent more and more time in the field but ultimately, the kills he's had to make have been necessary to keep his teammates alive. And himself, for that matter.
What Lombard is trying to imply doesn't hold much weight, and Reid thinks he must know it. Lombard may not have enjoyed letting those twenty-one men in Africa die, but he certainly hadn't regretted it, either. Killing Phillip Dowd had stuck with him for a long time, had haunted him and kept him awake at night until he'd finally come to terms with the fact that there hadn't been any other options. Studying the photos of the people he'd killed, reading their families' statements, Reid had realized that there's simply no way he could have risked letting that go on. Besides that, he couldn't have let Hotch get hurt, either.
Tobias's death had been a little different. He'd felt a sense of guilt for it but at the same time, what he'd been through had numbed that part of him that might have otherwise felt genuinely sorry. Tobias hadn't been able to exercise control over his illness, Reid knows that, and he's capable of keeping those three personalities separate in his mind; but a part of him is glad for Charles and Raphael's deaths. He'd grieved for only a third of a man's life, and he doesn't think anyone would necessarily blame him for that but even so, Reid still thinks about it. The consequences of his time with Tobias have followed him for so long that Reid doesn't think there will ever come a day that he cuts it out of his mind completely.
"It's not the same. I know you know that. You know that if you misstep, I'll catch it. That's not a threat, and I don't think you're afraid of me. I just want you to understand that I've spent years dealing with people who thought they'd mastered the art of manipulation, and I'm still standing. I don't plan on getting knocked down anytime soon."
no subject
It's not a high number, and Reid has always been grateful for that. In the BAU's line of work, there's certainly an element of danger, especially it comes to working in the field; but at the start of his career, he'd spent a lot of time poring over records and studying files at headquarters after visiting crime scenes and interviewing anyone relevant to the case rather than out doing any actual footwork. As he'd grown to be trusted with handling his weapon, as he'd become a better agent all around, Reid had spent more and more time in the field but ultimately, the kills he's had to make have been necessary to keep his teammates alive. And himself, for that matter.
What Lombard is trying to imply doesn't hold much weight, and Reid thinks he must know it. Lombard may not have enjoyed letting those twenty-one men in Africa die, but he certainly hadn't regretted it, either. Killing Phillip Dowd had stuck with him for a long time, had haunted him and kept him awake at night until he'd finally come to terms with the fact that there hadn't been any other options. Studying the photos of the people he'd killed, reading their families' statements, Reid had realized that there's simply no way he could have risked letting that go on. Besides that, he couldn't have let Hotch get hurt, either.
Tobias's death had been a little different. He'd felt a sense of guilt for it but at the same time, what he'd been through had numbed that part of him that might have otherwise felt genuinely sorry. Tobias hadn't been able to exercise control over his illness, Reid knows that, and he's capable of keeping those three personalities separate in his mind; but a part of him is glad for Charles and Raphael's deaths. He'd grieved for only a third of a man's life, and he doesn't think anyone would necessarily blame him for that but even so, Reid still thinks about it. The consequences of his time with Tobias have followed him for so long that Reid doesn't think there will ever come a day that he cuts it out of his mind completely.
"It's not the same. I know you know that. You know that if you misstep, I'll catch it. That's not a threat, and I don't think you're afraid of me. I just want you to understand that I've spent years dealing with people who thought they'd mastered the art of manipulation, and I'm still standing. I don't plan on getting knocked down anytime soon."